Weatherman Bug

Every where you go...

It is with great anticipation and a huge bulge in my pants that I bring you the latest update of Bug's weather report. Brought to you by, you guessed it, st st st Steinhoff international and FNB. Weather that rocks my brothers from some other mothers.

How is everyone? Good? Good. Used that before I know, still a good line i must say. So it's a blustery Tuesday night, I've just had my fill of Ugly Betty and now the creative juices are flowing. Today's update is a special one. Not only am i certain that my weather forecast will be highly accurate (apologies for last week, complete stuff up) but i have got an incredibly stumulating article with Mr Graeme Steen. Yes indeed. However, I did notice last week that when I stuffed up the weather prediction I got given beers left, right and centre. Something inside me says that perhaps getting the weather report wrong 'ain't such a bad idea.

Tomorrow's game against the Ubumbo is set to be an absolute humdinger. What is making this affair even more intriguing is the fact that no one knows whether or not ian Armstrong will be back from some land locked African nation. From where? Exactly. I don't think anyone had a clue he was leaving. perhaps he went to the masai mara to get special training, or more appropriately , the Swahili people. get it, cos his nickname is Swali. So like it all makes sense. Good fun. The game should be epic.

Today i'm going to give you two predictions. The first obviously will be the weather and the second will be on the game itself. This is a new development for the "show", it will be a show, one day. Sigh.

Anyways. My prediction for the game is simple: Cobras by five. not going to give you the score. Just know that when you boys are five points ahead you can stop playing and relax, assured in the knowledge that I predicted it to end that way. (Don't do that- seriously)

As for the weather:

Min: 14°C
Max: 16°C

Weather:
Cloudy periods, rain at times (60%)
Wind: fresh north-westerly

Sunrise: 07:35
Sunset: 17:49

Moonrise: 18:34
Moonset: 08:55

Moonphase:
Full Moon

There you have it. 60% of rain translates into rain definitely. Bring wellingtons, of all kinds, as well as rain coats and all the necessary goodies. Wetsuits even. I know i'm bringing mine. It's tight and makes me feel ever so sexy. mmmm.

There's that moon rise and moon set business again. I made my feelings towards that shit pretty clear last week and this is def the last time I will be bringing it up. Full moon is always nice, gives you a sense of wolf like attributes, makes you want to howl and get angry. Yes, quite.

I like that last line regarding the wind: a FRESH north- westerly. how intriguing. Fresh you say? I'll take two please. Is it de- caf? Tell me what would a stale north- westerly be like. like I said, intriguing.

Now let's get down to business. I recently had the pleasure of catching up with a one Graeme Steen over a few brutal fruits. At the time he was wearing an ever so sexual leopard print suit, which did in fact have pockets, to my utter amazement. Well done Precilla.

B: So Graeme, howsit? Ironic that I chat to you before the big game against Ubumbo, you always said it was your favourite game.

G: I'm good buddy. Well it is a helluva coincidence that we are chatting at such atime but I think IRONIC is the wrong word. You see, the Oxford dictionary describes IRONY as:
"The expression of meaning through the use of language signifying the opposite, typically for humorous effect."

B: Oh, I see. How foolish of me. I see those pockets are a lot bigger than they look.

G: Indeed.

B: Not to bring up a touchy subject Gimli, but I heard that you were recently retrenched/ made redundant/ let go/ made obsolete/ fired? Care to elaborate?

G: Ya Bug, you know there are no hard feelings between me and Sheraton Linen, it was just time for us to part ways. I've learned valuable lessons that will help me further my career later on in life.

B: Nice to see you're taking it so well. So does that mean that your boyfreind Dean aka Stefan Terblanche aka Deon from voice alert is now the sole bread winner in the nest?

G: I'm afraid so Bug. It's funny, it was an development in technology that lead to my being fired but it was the same development in technology that has made Deon, sorry, Dean so successful in selling alarm systems.

B: Ironic

G: Now you're getting it my boy.

B: Thanks, reminds me of that story in matric, Rukwind, you know the one?

G: I do, helluva story. Vragmotors and shit. Sorry, en kak.

B: That's the one. Brought tears to my eyes. I digress. So you're looking forward to tomorrow then?

G: Can't wait brother, I'm chomping at the bit. That's a horse metaphor, learnt it from Dean.

B: Well all I can say is good luck and tear some heads off. bye for neow.

G: Thanks Bud

There you have it. What an interview. Intellectually stimulating and all that. Brilliant. That's all I have time for for today.

Until next time, always take the weather with you...