Weatherman Bug

Everywhere you go....

Welcome to the latest instalment of Bug's weather report with st st st Steinhoff International and FNB. Weather that rocks ek se.

Hell's teeth have I got a special line up for you today. Not only will I be providing you with the latest in weather updates, using such things as barometer readings and measuring the mercury levels etc, but there will be a great expose' as promised last week on one of the cobras. Very incredibly complicated and technical but i'll make sure you get a view of the bigger picture.

At present I'm sitting with my laptop in Vida in Seapoint on this lovely tuesday afternoon enjoying a lovely mochiatto. Fuck that my bru. I don't do Vida. As a one Brendan Raubenheimer so eloquently put it: Such things are only for metros and queers.

And I'm not a metro, cos hey I'm a cobra....

Sorry a little song by Anton Taylor popped into my head right there. Coincidence? I think not my friends.

Also coming up is an exclusive interview with none other than Swali Philanderer aka Ian Armstrong. Apologies to those of you who were actually looking forward to learning more about Graeme Steen, but there have been recent developments in the cobra camp that simply can't be put off to next week.

Forecast: Wednesday, 14 May 2008:

Min: 15°C
Max: 24°C
Weather:
Partly cloudy, rain overnight (30%)
Wind:
strong north-westerly
Sunrise:
07:30
Sunset:
17:54
Moonrise:
14:46
Moonset:
02:11

I was unaware of the fact that there was a moon rise and a moon set. Very technical like I said. Isn't the moon just there all the time? I thought you just saw him when the sun set.

Now here's where you get your moneys worth. A little interpretation and explanation of how this might affect you. A max of 24 may seem low but bear in mind that today had a max of 18. it could be a rather balmy evening on the mile, conducive for cobra rugby and even more conducive for pouring chilled ales down ones throat, repeatedly, until bile and vomit rises and ends up all over G's back. i know you like it G. It makes you feel sexual and dirty. Gets you in the mood doesn't it? Rub your nipples. Yes. Ithankyou. North- westerly winds are a positive sign because it means that the wind will most likely not be blowing at one hundred fucking knots per hour, however it's a strong possibility of rain. Which is great because rain is good for grass, and we all know how much we love our grass here at the cobras. Thangyaverymuch. Moon rise at 14;46 seems a bit bizarre to me and the best advice I can give you is to turn your lights on at around three. Hell I knew it gets dark early in winter but this is ri- goddamn- diculous.

Now a very special moment. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my great honour and privelege to give to you the exclusive interview with a one Ian Armstrong ESQ. A little background on the man himself. Ian Armstrong is a very difficult cat to describe. He's very small but pretty strong. he's got a split personality who's character is like a paedophile who's just been released from prison and wants to get some at the local kid's swimming pool. That's him in a nutshell. At the cobras we like Swali more and so will be chatting to him more than Ian. in order to have this converstaion I needed to get Army as fucked as possible. Saturday night on dean's bday proved the perfect opportunity.

B: First things first, does Cherie read this site?

Army: Um no, it's too risque'

B: lekker my jolla. Tell me Army I've heard you're planning your comeback this wednesday night? How's the knee?

Army/Swali: Ya man Bug. i think it's time, ha I beat you back to the field. How does that feel you cunt? ha fuck you mother fucker!

B: Ah I see Swali is now sitting with us.

S: Indeed. I'm here and I'm gonna fuck all your girlfriends.

B: Jesus.

B: Christ.

S: Who?

B: Don't worry. So how is your knee feeling? What pos do you think you'll play on the night?

S: Whatever position I feel like bitch. My knee's gonna stand the test cos I go to gym lank. I go like twice a day. I'm fucking hectic.

B: Ok sweeeet. How's Cherie Armo?

A: Ah she's ok. Big day tomorrow, going to Mr Price Home to pick out some throw pillows and the like.

B: Have this beer.

B: Have another one.

B: And another.

B: Beautiful. So Swali how do feel about throw pillows?

S: They're for pussies! Harhar.

B: Thought so. Swals you produced one helluva chant for the snake two weeks ago. Where was your head at at the time? What inspired the genius of: Stefan Terblanche, WOO!

S: You know what, these things just come to me sometimes. During sex mostly, that's my most creative time.

B: hey that's cool dude. Thanks for the chat and good luck for the game on wednesday!

S: Go fuck yourself...

There you have it. intense shit. Serious therapy needed. I think he just needs a nice little cuddle. Maybe a little chocolate and a rub behind the ears.

Next week is Ubumbo and a little interview with Mr Gayim Steen.

Until then, always take the weather with you....