Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The next man on the interview list (after a somewhat lengthy break) is our scrummy stalwart Graeme ‘Stumpie’ Steen. The last time is saw this fella he was waste deep in a bucket of Castles at the Crabs Creek jol after the Knysna marathon, which non of us took part in by the way, and he was mumbling something along the lines of, ‘Hey Bra, excuse me but I’m quite sloshed (not sure how cool that word is these days) hey, but I finished exam just yesterday so I reckon you can forgive me.’ He followed up this murmur by falling off his beer stool and onto the floor, wet smelly, beer soaked oyster Knysna Lagoon floor! Not that I judge the man (for drinking or falling), any excuse for a beer right? You’re forgiven pal.
Nevertheless, here are a few words he managed to squeeze out whist reconfiguring his calculator in the Sports Centre parking lot.
Jose: Explain the story behind the name ‘stumpie’ for those who cant figure it out for themselves...
Graeme: As with most of my nicknames, Stumpie is based around my apparent lack of height. My nickname at the time was Gimli (thanks to a Dillon Mcevoy Lord of the Rings reference) until Andre Jacobs decided my height was similar to a cigarette "Stompie". This was Anglicised by the rest of the team to the Stumpie that now follows me around in rugby circles.
What are you currently studying?
PGDA. Not to be confused with the PGA, he tells me.
What does the Cobras brand mean to you?
I think Xhanti Nessi said it best when he spoke of the Cobras as a brotherhood. As we all know, the Cobras are more than just a sports team and I can't imagine what varsity would have been like without it.
What’s your best memory from your four (now 5) years in the Cobras colours?
Winning the cup, there nothing quite like it.
On the lighter side, Phil Vogets birthday celebration indicated the beginning of the ridiculousness that is the Cobras changing room. I think there's a video somewhere on the website.
Tits or ass?
Tits but not in isolation. Nice!
Preferred position, hooker or scrumhalf?
Scrumhalf but I have to respect the men who do all the important work up front.
Beer or spirits?
Beer although I am partial to the occasional whiskey.
Who do you despise more, the Nadoes or the Maties?
Maties by a mile.
Is Stefan really your half brother?
I'll have to chat to my folks and get back to you. Fuck these oke’s never give a straight answer! GADAMMIT!
Is it true that you are a sharks man?
Black and white for life. Did you notice that we beat the Bulls?
Who’s your rugby idol?
There ware rumours that you had a stint as the man in the Ikey Tigers mascot suit, any truth behind this?
I'm afraid not, otherwise you'd have heard some Cobra's changing room classics rippling through the crowd.
With five years experience, how do you think the Cobras are looking this year?
I can safely say that on paper this is the best Cobras side ever. If we click and show the desire to win than we should be unstoppable.
Please tell us the story behind your infamous, ‘I score tall chicks’ drinking song...
Oxbraai 2006, I scored a ridiculously tall female, relative to myself, and in my inebriated state began singing that now famous refrain. Little did I know that i would be hearing it for the next 4 years.
What do you do to psych yourself up before a Wednesday evening on the Mile?
I only finish lectures at six so I tend to use a two hour accounting lecture to get myself into the right state of mind. Back in the day, Warren Butler and I used to exchange sms's to ensure our heads were focussed on the game in the evening,
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
On my Yacht in the Caribbean, hiring Cobras who have come over to do a boat season on their gap year. Aim high.
Many thanks Graeme, what a gent!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Get ready to see teams kick off the second half of the season with some mouth watering fixtures comes Wednesday night.
With a one and a half month break from Internal leagues teams are gearing up to finalize some game tactics before there kick-offs on Wednesday. Expect the Green Mile to be swamped with players for the next two days as players get back into the swing of things.
Top teams such as the Nadoes and Cobras have been seen practicing through out the duration of the Varsity break and other teams only starting today. Never the less the teams will surely show case their best as they try to gain an early advantage in their groups to stake a place in the quarter-finals.
The fixtures are as follows:
17h30 Steinhoff Marquard vs Steinhoff Catsville B-field
17h30 Steinhoff Spanners vs Steinhoff Claredon C-field
18h30 Steinhoff Tornadoes vs Steinhoff Ubumbo B-field
18h30 Steinhoff Turtles vs Steinhoff College House C-field
19h30 Steinhoff Cobras vs Steinhoff Shebeen Boys B-field
19h30 Steinhoff Smuts vs Steinhoff Kopano C-field
Junks Junks baby
If you okes for some reason can't make it on Wednesday or can't get ahold of beer, then make a plan for someone else to cover you. It's not fair on the other okes if you rock up empty handed. And if your name is appearing again, don't be alarmed everyone will be bringing more than once!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday 21st: 4pm UCT B-Field
Friday 23rd: 4pm Bishops
Sunday 25th: 4pm Bishops
Please make sure you get down to these sessions as it is important in order to get your place in the match squad for the first game back of the second semester, it looks set to be a great occasion with a Tour re-union fines to follow after the game...
Oh so brave
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Cobras tour report to follow...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Shaun Cowell - they don't call him Daddy Cool for nothing...
Jan and Tom (moose) who will be raring to go come Friday evening
So there you have it, the squad for this Fridays match against Bredasdorp...it looks set to be a great occasion.
The captain of Bredasdorp did mention something about a WitBlitz shot before the game for both teams, this will surely set the tone for the remainder of the weekend...
Oh so brave
Monday, July 12, 2010
As The Weatherman already documented, I began my journey in icy Austria where among shredding up the alpine off pieste on my snowboard, I managed to drink a few Jagermeisters. Jeez but the Austrian’s aren’t afraid of a Jagey or two, they even sell them at the check out tills in the supermarkets. So instead of purchasing a harmless Tempo Bar (a boarder’s best friend) before buying your goodies at Woolies, you’re going home with an extensive assortment of miniature spirits and aperitifs. I guess it works out well as Austria is the birth place of Red Bull, and that jolling juice flows like water over there. Needless to say Jaeger Bombs became part of my daily routine.
I managed to lie my way into a job as a chef at a 4 star hotel, after convincing the manager I had worked at Greens (Constantia) as head chef for a year after graduating from Sillwood Cullinary College. Things were going surprisingly swimmingly until my first day on the job when the manager fired me for allegedly shagging the receptionist. Which is fair enough except for the fact that A; she wasn’t hot and B I didn’t even shag her. Eventually things got cleared up, the oke felt like an absolute doos/poes and rehired me. All this on top of the fact that I had to share my staff accommodation with a raging gaylord heroine addict Indonesian man, an alcoholic old German communist midget, and three Slovakian girls; one of which was a full on Nazi and one who was actually quite fetching. I can’t make this shit up.
I did get some good riding in and met some radical people. The Scandinavian’s are a class act, especially the Danish. Denmark definitely gets the Cobras stamp of approval. I if you get some free time off around Christmas I would highly recommend doing a ski season. It’s hectic. One of best times of my life.
After my adventure in Alps I was to reunite with fellow Cobra, Phillip ‘The Drill Sergeant’ Rogers and huge Cobras supporter and general vibing oke; James ‘The Goose’ Goss, in Mallorca Spain. In Austria I became good mates with a legend Ozzie by the name of Shay Kurz aka Shakers, who was an epic sliding partner and even more solid wingman. I convinced him to join us over in Espana. Our POA was to get some work on the yachts in Palma, become super loaded and then live the dream. Maybe even buy our own boat; cruise the med with a few solid 9/10 Spanish bitches while they snarf off our erect penises and then meet up with Vinnie Chase for his Cannes premiere. Alas, this was not to be. Work was slow going on account of the recession, and it seemed that they only wanted to hire chicks. Not ideal.
So I decided to move to Magalluf, affectionately known as “Shaggaluf” by the locals and all that come here. This place is, dare I say, a bit too hectic. The only way I can describe it, is as the Spring Break for the low class chav British youngsters, on tik. Every oke has got a lekka peroxided Mohawk, a nipple ring and numerous kak Chinese symbol/tribal/British flag tattoos covering their bodies. However, the ladies are a slightly different story. While they are still quite scummy, they are in actual fact, hot. Hot in that porn star kind of way. You know; fake tan, big racks, blonde hair. And everyone knows that low class chicks are quite partial to bit of a pomp (that’s why they get preggers when they’re like 15… so sometimes if you’re lucky you can bag yourself a milf who’s till a teenager).
I’ve been working as part of a stage crew. Setting up gigs for The Kooks and Bombay Bicycle Club (ask Gimals about them), last weekend we had Calvin Harris and Tinnie Tempah, and in 2 weeks Dizze rascal is coming over. It’s quite a sweet deal, I get to go backstage and chill with the ous. BUT recently I’ve just landed arguably the greatest job on the island. Basically during the day I chill at this bar on the beach called Mambos, play pool, drink cider and work on my tan and then at night I have to talk to average-to-very-good-looking girls and convince them to come to pool parties. And I get paid for this. It’s quite a lag really. This is place I work for http://www.ibizarocks.com/events/
It’s hot here. Like 34 degrees at 9.30am. The problem is the tap water isn’t drinkable and you’re hammered 5/8’s of the time so you’re permanently dehydrated. Dehydration is a soldier’s worst enemy. Your only option is to order another 1euro pint, this is a fantastical quick fix, however not a long term solution. Pretty soon you’re even more inebriated and dehydrated than before and you find yourself mine sweeping any brightly coloured drink you can, in attempt to get refreshment. It doesn’t help. Next thing you wake up semi-clothed sprwaled on a lounger on the beach, with the sun blazing on your face and some guy shouting at you in Spanish.
All in all the going is good. The food is cheap, the booze is cheaper and I’ve been wiling most of my time away on the beach staring at boobies. I don’t think the Bikini shops here sell bikini tops. Just the bottom half. Like speedos for girls. But more along the lines of a thong. The chicks here don’t cover their cleavage whatsoever. In fact I think covering your nipples on the beach is offensive in Spanish culture. It is glorious. I think I’ve seen every type of boob. Massive ones, perky ones, redonkulously saggy ones, ones with nipples like hubcaps, pierced ones, fake ones, flat ones, etc.. All shapes and sizes. I think I’ve seen more racks in the last month than Hugh Heffner sees in a week. And if you don’t make it to the beach and get your daily dose of “tette”, you can just stroll over to the BCM square where they have a wet t-shirt completion every night. More often than not the dodgy chav chicks will even whip out a bit of box for you.
Everyone keeps asking me what I’m doing here, and why I’m not back home for the South Africa 2010 Fifa World Cup. It’s a good question. And one that I have often asked myself. I must say the vibe back home looked bloody awesome, and I feel proud to be South African. It makes you realize what an amazing and beautiful country we live in, and what diverse, unique and special people we are. So last night I was here ,in Spain, for the final, and to say that this place went off its tits is a lie. It went off its poes (bru)!! The streets where teeming with drunken Spaniards all wearing red, setting off fireworks playing drums and getting verrrrry hectic. I found myself getting very much into the vibe with the locals in the town’s fountain. They definitely aren’t shy of a bit of a celebratory fiesta. And they’ll be going at it all week!
I’ve been following the Cobras progress very closely and I’m fucking impressed with you boys. Every Thursday after I hear about another victory and another chilled fines meeting I absolutely reel. I reel harder than Bakkies reeled after that Jimmy Cowan head butt. The Cobras are one of the things I’ve missed most during my international tour. Being away from it, makes you fully realize what a sick vibe it is. And fuck it is a sick vibe. I’m just wondering who’s won that coveted number 11 jersey? Jeez I hope they have bit of pace and maybe even a step like Qu-Qu-Quade Cooper.
The upcoming golf tour looks set to be one of the highlights of the year, and again I’m gouging out my eyeballs with salad spoons that I can’t be there. I mean a weekend at Wazza’s place in Arnies with the ous, I could think of very few things more spectacular.
Shit there is definitely some stuff I’ve left out, but I’m buggered and I’ve got work tomorrow. I just wanted to wish you lads, the best of luck for the second half the season. Look I know you don’t need luck, The Cobras patented style of visually orgasmic rugby is unstoppable. 2010 is the year of the Cobras. I have a strong feeling we’re going to be lifting the trophy.
Have a sick tour lads. And ask Wazza and The Weatherman for a game of ‘Suicide Darts’ once you get to Arniston.
From me here in Spain…
Oh, so brave…
Justin Bijl (c)
Luc Du Plesis
JP Van Huffels
Warren Butler (c)
Stuart 'Poen' Pienaar
Kyle, Kyle Rennie