Saturday, September 30, 2006

Season Closing Braaivleis

Ya no blates, it's that sad time of the year again where the rugga season has drawn to a close. Those fledgling games of touch on the range have all but fizzled out, but all is not lost! To celebrate this mournful occasion, we will do it true cobra style with a braai at Corn's house on Saturday the 30th at 14:30. Huis en Bosch, Norton Dingle Drive. Bring your own gear and a surprise? Jordans words not mine. Reg. Verbode vrugte is donders lekker.

Kwel, see ya'll ther.

Later Daters

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Touch On Sundays

Greetings. Just a reminder that although the competitive season is over, the sunday afternoon touch sessions are not, so keep coming along! Bishops at 4.15. Bring your mates and some cane for afterwards. Churs!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Quotes From The Sideline

“Sorry do you know if Nic Fenton-Wells is playing here?” – Fat blonde girl to just about everyone

"Ref, you can't take two quick taps in a row, it's the rules. Rugby Union 101. Maybe you should read the rule book for future reference." - Anthony Fenton-Wells (along with many other words of wisdom and encouragement

"The slap slap hiss purple cobras have been to the UCT RFC internal league what Isaia Toeava was to Graham Henry’s sleepless nights" - Internal League site writer

"Surely chicks are like tyres, cos they need to be pumped regularly?" - Anonymous Nadoe 'Player'

Little boy: "Dad, when I grow up I want to be a Nadoe." Dad: "I'd like to be a cowboy from Arizona or a pimp from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula."

"I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse!" - reffering to Starvin

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Cobra Legacy, A Quick Word

Contribution by Phil Voget

Sorry in advance for a disjointed piece of writing, just one of those moments.

Tonight’s game was immense. I mean, who has ever seen a rugby game go down to penalty kicking? Fuck, let’s be honest. Bruces and Sheilas, it is no understatement to say that it was a spectacular display of rugby that went down to the wire and we were by far the better side and they know it. We could basically have got our resident status for the Baa Baa half for crying out loud, and as for the one ground gaining exertion of their bulldozer man in the first half, Come on! I get better runs in my shorts! Not to gripe or anything here, but for the sake of accurate reporting I think there were a few speculative decisions by the ref, like most would agree that he should have sent off that cunt who punched Poefter, I mean how can you say it’s a penalty for punching? It’s a card innit mate? Some things in this universe are better left unanswered. In the words of Chris Gibson to one of the ugly bald twats “Just because you look like a convict doesn’t mean you have to behave like one.” Yes, as my old mentor Patches O'Houlihan would have put it, the ref's contribution was about as useful as a poopy flavoured lollypop! After an afternoon of OD rugby matches and gratis beer at the Heatlie (another story that will be told later), I’d say the fact that most of the squad were able to walk on the field and perform the ‘winged V’ slap and tickle dance was an impressive feat in itself!

I know that someone will take the effort to detail the match in a much better way, so I just want to mention a few things, just to put it out there. Everyone out there today showed an insane level of commitment, effort, heart and ability. I hate not mentioning something about everyone, but the books are calling (thanks CornĂ©, I look forward to a stunning test tomorrow afternoon!), and I'm trying to perfect my argument for the inverse ratio of capitalization to debt. A few players stood out for me, David Bonellie, as always an inspiration to us mere mortals. Rumour has it he wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence! Smorry had an absolute blinder of a run down the wing and gave a rock-solid contribution. As for Brad Milne, the try scorer, some may even say he looked as good as Charles Keegan in the August edition of Men’s Health out there tonight. I don’t think he was ever brought down once off the first hit, he displayed levels of savagery only ever matched by such people as Anton Taylor on the hunt!

Mike Ledwidge, one of our imports for the game displayed heroism that can only be compared to that of Victor Drake in his War Games at Mbokothwe and St Matthias. He was clearly itching to make a mark on his Cobras debut, sending the one oke out of bounds so hard the thud could be heard by the studious girls at their ecos books in Fuller. Dugald Macdonald has apparently been approached by EA sports to use as the character for ‘the perfect rugby player,’ again putting in a massive performance, pushing the limits of human endurance. Nick and Damien considering they’d played two OD games earlier were superhuman in their exploits. When finding something with which to compare one of Nick’s crash-ball efforts, nothing does it more justice than ‘a bus.’ And whenever Damien touches the ball, you can almost hear Robbie Wessels singing ‘Leuloop’ somewhere in the distance.
I like to think of Chris as a mischevous badger, and old Gibbo's contribution was not just memorable because of his cutting runs, but for his classic comments and the fact that he was taking full advantage of all of Brian De Kock’s generosity at the Heatlie merely an hour before! Ya, at the last, as we were standing arm in arm watching those brave kickers, the pressure was insane, and the atmosphere spectacular, shake and bake!

I just want to say that from an idea that was spawned on the steps of Jammie of a social B league rugby side, to being the best new team in the A-League and losing in the semis in what may just have been the closest game ever on the Green Mile, it’s been a fuckin great trip. Think of the things that have come to the attention of the world. Anton’s inspired reporting, my birthday exploits, Jordan’s organizational ability, Tom’s ability to inspire, the quick wit of ‘the white pearl’, a fines evening to rival anything seen by the sports centre in recent history, the list goes on and its deeply emotional.
Things can only get better, long live the Cobra legacy! Hakuna Matata bitches!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Jordan speaks (forget Phil)

Hello all my cousins from another mother and my brothers from another lover.

Here’s the verdict on the OD game: we are playing. So sorry to Warren and others but our principles deem us responsible to fulfill the notion of everyone getting a game rather than winning at all costs. It’s the way we roll and I’m sure you’ll all agree. No offense meant by the way.

So here’s how it works: kickoff 15h30 so meet at 3 if you can, at the Avenue, Bishops, Campground Road, Rondebosch, Cape Town, S.A., Africa, The world, the universe, 7700.

Here is a possible starting lineup for both games just to try and undo some confusion that might be precipitating your brain. (yes, I can see you are puzzling Graeme.)

Cobras Vs. Bishops 3rds:
Beatty or VC?
Flanagel ©
Peter Crouch
B-Pam (v-c)
Subs(Chicken Mexicano on wholeweat with feta and roasted veggies):
16. James Milne esquire.
17. Gibson (if he doesn’t play 2nds)
18. Butler (if he doesn’t pull a poepstring)
19. Dittmer (see Gibson)
20. Gerstner (not a Cobra but no worries)
21. Downes
22. Stackleberg model
23. anyone else I’ve forgotten or who can play our brand of awe-inspiring rugby

Baa liki BA BA.. Cobras. Punchline

Cobra’s Vs. Barbarians (Kickoff 20h00 meet 19h00)
Bad Brad
Scott Rogers or Kenrick or Beatty
Whyte Goodman ©
Butler (v-c)
Big Mike
Monty Panesar
Costa Gioules (his jersey is still clean)
Taylor’s chick
I’m getting childish
anyone else I forgot? Oh ya, baby cobras.

So there it is. No more moaning complaining etc. if you have a complaint, go on oprah and tell her (Thanks Tom). Otherwise go to doctor phil (not voget, he only knows about grog)

Oh and one more thing: If you think you will be keen on hitting HQ on Wednesday night for FREE CANE + you pay for mix at NO ENTRY COST because someone has organized a Cobra’s guestlist, call 0823377421, for those of you who don’t know him, you’ll recognize the voice in an instant. Or rather just sms, but keep it to Cobra’s and your birds if you can… and sms before tomorrow if you can otherwise it might be tight!
Fava beans and Chianti, clarice.. (slurping noises)
Slap slap hissssssssssssssssssssssssss

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Cobras vs Barbarians (Semifinal)

Attention: Cobras

As an initial matter of urgency, there will be a practise at bishops(avenue field) on Sunday 3 September at 4h00 sharp for all those who are keen on getting a run on in the semi's against the Baba's (ie if you aren't there, your starting place might be under as much pressure as Jake White's after today's game) so please can everbody try make it (phil: noneof those 'my earring hurts' sms's on sunday morning please). Just to add a bit of impetus(and quality?)'International Man of Mystery' Kenrick Brown will hopefully be showing up and also possibly playing a half on Wednesday but you cant count on anyone who's doing Ethics for the third time in a row so who knows.

Secondly, unfortunately Brian de Kock and the other powers-that-be at the Bishops OD union have had the foresight to put the OD matches on the SAME FUCKING DAY as our semi-final.I was very keen to get the Cobra's to play against the likes of Handley, Stander, Verster-Cohen et al. and I thought that it was highly insensitive of Mr. de Kock to do so (since there are a number of OD's being represented in the semis--> Soco's, Wildboys etc.). However, as always, we may have a backup plan. I will firstly need a consensus, but I am boldy proposing that, due to the size of our squad and that I'm sure some guys would enjoy playing against the Bishops 3rds a bit more than the Baba's(no sublte hint, i'm being serious), we will try to name as closely as possible a startng XV for the evening game (19h00 kickoff i think) and then, with what we have over, we may be able to represent the Cobra's at the OD game which should be at 16h00. So by doing so, we may either be killing two birds with one stone, or shooting oureslves in the foot. More on that tommorrow

Forwards bring your gumguards and fairy wings because you might do some packing down against the soco's (in fact thats a definite), backs bring your catching hands not the ones you used to gut something on Saturday night (re: bonelli, dittmer)later dater